she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm too high and old for this...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
