I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
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