She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
