Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
