i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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