i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
