so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
