Don't you send me to vm
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We left the knife in your bed.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
