Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
