I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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