Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
