Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
