He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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