is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize