But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize