Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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