from now on my penis is your penis
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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