I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
