his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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