yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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