Already got asked if we're dating
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
