i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
