i barfeds in our rink
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
