ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
