Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
