We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
