new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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