It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize