he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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