If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
