True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
