I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
