Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
