my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
