Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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