non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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