I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
