Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
