I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Boobs are out for the taking
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
