What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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