I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
