My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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