You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
