We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
