After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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