yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize