No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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