I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
