i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
