i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize