So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
