All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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