THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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