She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
This house was built for laser tag.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
