i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
