She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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