Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
