i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We have started to decorate penises.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
