I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize