I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
