like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize