Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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