I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
