Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
