i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
