My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
