Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
