Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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