I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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