Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
