Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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